


Sure

by CuriousThimble



Series: Anders and FemHawke Shorts [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 19:14:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15177470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CuriousThimble/pseuds/CuriousThimble
Summary: After the battle is over, Hawke and her companions flee Kirkwall. Anders is unsure of whether or not Hawke means to keep her word and stay with him, and of how to respond the forgiveness of his friends.





	1. Sure

He asked several times a day, and each time he heard the same answer.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes, Anders.”

 

Never any of her jokes, never a sigh or hint of resentment. Just a simple answer, filled with the most certainty he’d ever heard from a person before. They’d fled Kirkwall before dawn, no one speaking as they all rushed to their homes to grab what they could. 

 

After the battle, Hawke never stopped, she just grabbed his arm and raced from the Gallows all the way to the mansion in Hightown. He followed, not knowing what else to do beside obey her orders.

 

“Get out of those clothes and wash all that blood off you,” she instructed, pointing to the bath as they entered the bedroom. It was full in anticipation of her nightly bath, almost warm, and he threw off his clothes and did as she told him while she grabbed new clothes for them both and did the same.

 

“Hawke-”

 

“Not now,” she snapped. “Later.”

 

She had been prepared, her journal and a few special items and their clothes already in a pack, with lots of gold and silver stuffed into boots and in hidden compartments. She left a small sack of money for Bodhan and Sandal, and then they ran through the tunnel leading to his clinic to meet with the others.

 

The fact that she’d known something was coming- that he was going to destroy their life- and had already made the decision to stay with him had touched Anders deeply.

 

Varric must have had his suspicions as well- or she had worked with him- for there was a cart waiting for them outside the clinic. Anders didn’t protest when he was shoved into a crate the size of a coffin, didn’t scream that the confinement felt like death weighing on him when he heard the nails sealing him in. He heard Aveline’s voice through the breathing holes drilled into the box, assuring him that he was safe, that they were all going into crates. Merrill cried in her crate, he could hear it faintly. Varric and Hawke were silent, and he wondered what they were thinking. 

 

Aveline was the only one not in a box of some kind; he heard her talking with the man driving the cart, instructing him where to go.

 

_ They knew something was coming, _ he realized, laying in the dark.  _ She knew, and had planned for this. Maker, it must have cost a fortune to arrange it all. _

 

It was nighttime before the cart stopped and they were let out. Hawke pried his crate open herself, throwing herself into the box with him before he could even move.

 

“Don’t move,” she whispered, burying her face in the curve of his neck. “And don't say anything. Just let me have this for a minute.”

 

Anders didn’t know what to think or feel as she held him.  _ This must be shock, _ he thought.  _ I’m in shock, because she let me live. _

 

“Are…” His voice was rough with his silence, and he cleared it before trying again. “Are you sure? About all this?”

 

“Yes, Anders.”

 

He lifted her head to look into her eyes. “Are you really? You’ve left everything behind. For me.”

 

“I would rather be with you than have anything back there,” she swore, pressing her lips to his in a desperate kiss.

 

They climbed out then, and walked toward the campfire. Aveline’s husband Donnic was there, giving a horse to the carter and seeing him off. Everyone was quiet, the only sounds the gentle scrape of wooden spoons against tin cups. Anders sat beside Hawke and took the cup handed to him; unsure of what to say, he choose to stay silent.

 

“We need to decide what to do now.”

 

It was Hawke, of course, getting right to the heart of the matter. “I...I’m a fugitive,” he croaked, hanging his head. “I’m so sor-”

 

“None of that,” she interrupted. “We’re all here because we made a choice.”

 

“Fenris  _ died _ because of that choice,” he argued. 

 

“He knew what he was doing,” Varric said gruffly. “Listen, Blondie, we did what was right. Now I’m going to go stretch my legs,” he said with a groan. “In the direction of that tent, there.”

 

“Goodnight Varric,” Hawke said. “The rest of you should get some rest. I’ll take the first watch.”

 

Anders watched them all go to their tents- city guard issue, he noticed. More evidence of the careful planning that had gone into all this. It made the guilt heavier.

 

Hawke stood with her back to him, arms crossed and staring into the fire. The exact same hip-cocked stance she’d had the first night they’d spent together. He was afraid to look at her, afraid he’d see that look of disappointment and anger she’d worn when she realized what he’d done.

 

“Don’t apologize,” she said suddenly, as if reading his mind. “I helped you do it; I’m just as guilty.”

 

“Are you going to try and tell me you aren’t angry with me?” he demanded.

 

“Of  _ course _ I’m angry!” she snapped, turning to look at him. “You used me and lied to me. I could have helped you find another way!”

 

“There was no other way,” he said softly.

 

“Liar!” she shouted, not caring if anyone was sleeping. “There is  _ always _ another way! You lied to me, Anders, and I’ve never been anything but honest with you. You told me we were helping you separate yourself from Justice, but really we were just murdering Elthina and all her people. We would have found another way,” she repeated, the fight gone from her tone.

 

“I should have trusted you,” he said brokenly. “I’m so sorry, I-”

 

“Don’t,” she said with a wave of her hand, going to her pack. “It’s done, and we have a lot to do before you can rest.”

 

“What do you mean?” he asked, raising his eyebrows when she removes his shaving kit. “Are you going to slit my throat now?”

 

“No, love,” she said with a sad smile. “I’m going to cut your hair, then dye it. We have to make you less noticeable, and unfortunately…” She sighed and ran her hands through his thick blonde hair, pulling away the leather thong that held it back. He closed his eyes, reveling in the tender touch as she braided some of it. “Maker, I love this hair. I’m going to keep some of it.”

 

He chuckles, amusement finding its way through the numbness and fear. “You silly sentimental girl.”

***

“I miss it already,” she said, brushing her fingers through his short brown hair. “You’ll have to grow out your beard, too.”

 

Anders brushed his fingertips over her hip, amazed that after what had happened only last night she even had the energy to make love. “I don’t know how you can stand to even look at me,” he admitted. “After everything I’ve done. How I lied to you-”

 

“Stop,” she demanded, pinching his lips together. “I have lost everyone in my life- my parents, the twins- I wasn’t about to lose you, too.”

 

He broke out of her grip and raised himself on an elbow. “But are you  _ sure, _ Marian?”

 

Hawke blinked at the use of her first name- he  _ never _ used her name. No one did except Varric when he was particularly vexed with her. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say my name before.”

 

Anders shrugs a shoulder. “Are you, Marian? Sure?”

 

She looks at him with more love than he deserves, brushing her fingers along his jaw. “Yes, Anders.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Anders is contemplating his actions, and the responses of his friends, Hawke and Varric have a heart-to-heart.

Hawke and Varric were in the largest crate, Varric sitting up and Hawke curled up on the bottom, resting her head on his leg. He shifted as if trying to get away from her, and Hawke grinned at his discomfort. 

“And here I thought we were close,” she murmured with amusement.

“Bianca’s going to be jealous,” he huffed, “and you know how she gets. You’ll have piercings everywhere.”

“Bianca understands, I talked to her about it,” she chuckled. “Besides, you’re the one who said we needed to talk.”

“Hawke.”

“Varric.”

“What have we done?”

Hawke was quiet a long time, listening to the sound of the cart on the dirt road, Merrill trying not to cry so loudly, and Aveline offering empty chatter to the driver. Anders is in the crate beside them, stretched out on his back with a false bottom above his head, as silent as the dead. 

What have we done? She wondered.

“I hope we’ve done the right thing,” she said finally.

Varric chuckled in the darkness. “So do I, because we’re all in over our heads now.”

“I’m sorry I pulled you into this,” she apologized. “I didn’t mean for it all to happen this way.”

“What did you think was going to happen?” he asked. “You and Blondie would just stay in Hightown and live happily ever after? That’s not the story, Hawke. It doesn’t even have a good ending.”

“He told me we were making a potion for him to be free of Justice,” she explained. “I had no idea he was making an explosive. And now we’ll all be branded murderers…”

“What were we before?” he laughed. “Andraste’s tits, Hawke, we weren’t exactly choir kids before tonight. Don’t blame yourself for my choice. I could have stayed out of it, left the city, or joined up with Fenris. I didn’t. You and me...we’re the sort that has to stick together.”

“I love you Varric,” Hawke told him softly. “You’re like a drunken uncle who makes bad jokes.”

“Waffles my jokes are never bad. I’m offended you would say such a thing. Go find your own crate.”

Hawke giggled. “Whatever happens…”

“You can stop,” he said, and she felt his big hand pat her forehead. “I know. Me too.”


End file.
